As I write this, it has been 9 years to the day I suffered a major health crisis–a hemorrhagic stroke or “brain bleed”! It was to due to a potential lethal combination ofstress plus obesity…and I wasn’t fully aware of the symptoms..or worse yet, I ignored them. BUT I’M STILL HERE! Since then, my life seems to be full of paradoxes. I now believe in miracles and the power they can generate! From my experience(s), I consider my continuing journey of life as a series of opposites. I damn near died; yet I still survived! WHY? I now realize that our Lord has kept me here for reasons only He knows. Everyone runs a full gamut of emotions, from highs to lows. The gap between mine seems to have widened. BUT I’M STILL HERE! I believe I’m the same person inside; but I can’t shake the notion that everyone now views me differently. As a consequence of my stroke, there’s the ever-present possibility of having seizure(s), for which I take many meds to control but I never wanted to be a “pill-popper”. My memory (or maybe more accurately, my recall) of things has changed; Working in the past as a DJ, whenever I heard a song, I could “Name That Tune”, complete with artist and year of release. That has now diminished and frustrates me to no end! I have always taken pride in my work and constantly strove to do my best! Now, I feel like my best is not good enough! BUT I’M STILL HERE! I have physical limitations, which makes things harder for me to do; yet my adrenaline still pumps when I interact with my favorite people or places. I cannot find any gameful employment but thankfully have part-time work that continues my professional experience–and my passion. But, even though I still enjoy the things I always have, the joy and satisfaction I once derived has lessened. My former vibrant lifestyle, which seemed to know no bounds is now just the opposite; I describe it as “4 walls and a computer”. BUT I’M STILL HERE!
I realize I need to exercise and walk a mile as often as I can. In my mind, that doesn’t sound like it’s enough but my doctors tell me that, given my health history, they think it’s pretty impressive. My lack of physical endurance limits the things I want and used to do. I want to drive a car but I no longer own a car so that ain’t happening. Before all this, I could go wherever whenever I wanted. That freedom is now gone. BUT I’M STILL HERE! My health bills are still piling up; if I had the money, I would clear those up before spending money on other less-important things. I can say for certain that I believe in the old adage that “when something bad happens in your life, you find out who your true friends are”–even though I want all my family, friends and even acquaintances to remain the same as they always have (or to become better!) I’ve enjoyed a good life but want more! I tend to be more stubborn but feel like my patience has also improved. I believe I can now differentiate between the truly important things in life vs. the “not-so-much!”. I want things to go better but I feel stronger than ever it’s not good enough! I don’t want pity from other people but I do appreciate their patience in the ways we interact with each other!
BUT I’M STILL HERE!